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| TOTD: Go away, Old Man Winter.
It's been forever since I've actually written an entry in this silly old online journal. I don't think anyone reads this thing anyway, so my thoughts can be just for me. It's easier to have them out of my head; make room for more!
The quickly approaching end to 2010 is not far off which means now's as good a time as ever for reflections.
I gotta say, 2010 was completely stressful, in a nutshell. There are good and bad stressors, and at the end of the day, I've had one too many.
I lost my grandmother, got engaged, bought a house, lost my dad, fixed up the entire house, moved, gained a baby second cousin, attempted to make some wedding plans, all while gaining more responsibilities at work, and traveling and most days, trying my best to get out of bed at all.
I have a pretty good support group in my family and Will's family, so I'm very thankful for that.
Christmas is right around the corner and I think I finished with my shopping today. Woo! Tomorrow, Ugly Holiday Sweater Party, Sunday, Christmas festivities with Will's family, and then Christmas next week! Can't wait to share the holidays with Will this year.
Off to wrap and finish the christmas cards.
Have a blessed holiday season, and too all a good night! 
Amber | | |
| TOTD: Cleaning is very fulfulling, rewarding work. Very quietly, yesterday morning, my sweet granny passed away. I wish I could have been there and I wish I would have seen her more recently than two weeks ago, but as I see, life's too short for "I wish." My mom was there to see her off, she didn't suffer at all and I know she's now in a better place, reuniting with her husband and son. I will always be grateful for the time I did get to spend with her and I will always remember her at her best. One of the things I love most about her is her fiestiness. I hope to be just like her when I'm an ol' gal. Whenever I'd go see her at the nursing home, I'd leave her by kissing her on her head, telling her I love her and then saying "don't go causing any trouble," to which she'd always reply "why not?" She didn't cook or bake much, she always used WAY too much powder (there's always been at least a quarter inch layer in her bathroom), had food that was at least 4 years old in her pantry, had pockets full of Kleenex (I think she was single-handedly keeping them in business) and always had a sassy comment or "face" for you. I will really miss her. She was the first grandparent I've ever lost. I have lots of fun memories that I will try and keep myself occupied with over the next days, weeks, months. Rest in peace Granny; I'm sure you're well on your way to an adventure already. | | |
| TOTD: Happy birthday, Ed Helms! I've come to some startling "self-realizations" (if you will). Despite what I may portray on the surface, am I really a happy person? I feel like a lot of people may think so, and maybe I fool myself on occassion, but sometimes evidence leads to the contrary. Lately, I'm pretty sure I've spent more time convincing myself that I am happy rather than actually just being happy. And it's not that I try to find the bad, or "unhappy" side of things, but I've had too many of those days where I just want to cry myself to sleep. Or I'm just miserable during the day. Or something someone says or does just tries my patience so much more than I can tolerate. Now, I'm not entirely sure what all this means, and maybe I'm at fault for not being patient enough or not expressing my true feelings, but what if it's not me? What if I can't handle everything life throws at me? It's very tiring pretending you've got everything under control when you just want to run back to bed and hide under the covers. I should pause a moment and assure you that I'm not depressed. I promise. I just feel like a lot of people expect me to be something that I don't want to be anymore. It wears you down and at the end of the day, makes you want to cry yourself to sleep. I don't like the person I've become, either. I look back over the last few years and I liked who I was 5 years ago. I know I will never be that person again, as life has changed me so much, but as I'm reminiscing, I realize I used to laugh so much more. I don't really do that much anymore and that's makes me really sad. I need new places and new faces. I know I get this contemplative when I'm restless, but I really think I should act on it. I want to travel. Any thoughts as to where I should go? Well, I'll keep thinking on that... | | |
| TOTD: Dwight: "I am assistant regional manager."
Michael: "Assistant TO THE regional manager." Ah, Xanga. Hello again, old friend. I'm sorry I've neglected you for the last seven months. Don't think anyone still reads this, so it could just be you and me, pal. I thought I'd get back to journaling since I find my mind constantly wandering, and quite frankly, I get a little worried that it's out on its own sometimes. This should help quite nicely. I've been thinking about the future. A LOT. I feel like 2010 is the year of big changes and I feel like I'm ready for those changes. I think about getting engaged this year; in fact Will and I have been together for four years as of tomorrow!  To me, that's obviously a big step and I recognize that, but I'm ready. I want more. I also think about perhaps moving in with Will in the next six or so months. I'm back and forth on this in that I'm not sure which I want first; engagement or moving in together. I've never seen any boyfriend on a day to day basis, let alone shared the same space with one, so I'm not exactly sure how living together will go. What if it makes us hate each other and turns us into those cranky ol' "married type" couples who can't wait for the sweet release of death? I'd hate to be engaged, then move in together only to find out that we hate each other and have to break off an engagement. I know that's really negative thinking, but I can't lie and say it hasn't crossed my mind. Conversely, I'm really looking forward to the opportunity to share space and enjoy the "give and take" that couples that live together experience. It could be a good chance to test my patience and find out how willing I am to compromise. Could be a good self-exploration, if you will. In maybe-not-so-related news, I got hooked on the show The Office (reference today's TOTD) and this quote was just on: "when two people find each other, what should stand in their way?" As part of this possible living situation, there's the chance that I might have to move... again. I'm really tired of moving, having relocated three times in the span of two months. That's a little rediculous and it's obvious why I kind of what to settle in to the place where I live now. I love the area where I live now; tucked away just on the outskirts of Mont Co, but so close to the city and just a short walk from the train station. I understand that if Will and I were to live together, we'd move closer to his job since he has to drive and I can take a train from basically any station. He did just have an interview at a job that's only 10 minutes from my place, so... yeah. We'll see how it goes. I know what you're thinking, and no. Will did not gain an interest in this particular position just because it's close to where I live, it's just a nice happenstance Other than that, work work work and trying to watch The Office in my spare time. It's just that good. Til next time.... | | |
| TOTD: Snapple "Real Fact" #202: Beavers were once the size of bears. Still playing the waiting game on this job position at CH2M Hill. I should definitely know in a week or so if I got the job, so if you're reading this, cross your fingers and toes and think happy thoughts for me. I can't believe this is my last week in the 74B. So many memories there; some good, some bad, but three years really flew. Spending Memorial Day weekend packing up my grandmother's life from NJ and moving and hanging out poolside with Will and the boys. Gotta love extra long weekends. New DMB album coming out next week... sweeeeet. Other than that, just been truckin' along, waiting for something good to happen... Over and out, kids. | | |
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